I was planning a blog about my “professional fears”, just to list them out and put them in the open and acknowledge that a lot of things in my career field give me anxiety attacks. Then I went to a FCPUG meeting last week and understood every word of what was being talked about – knew solutions to technical issues, already understood the technical details of the codecs discussed to a decent extent, etc. Then I was contacted by some really nice guys from Nashville to network, and I realized that while I am pretty new, I am still considered a working professional video editor, someone that might be worthwhile to know. Another weird thing I noticed was I bought a Moviemaker magazine recently and realized I understood and was interested in every word of it. I used to get them when I was 15 or 16 and most of it was beyond my comprehension.

But then I started thinking about the content of this blog that I began and realized that none of that changes my fears whatsoever.

I’m afraid:

-that I don’t know as much as I should know right now. Like maybe I’m not reading the right things, studying the right books, finding the right projects.

-that I want to be an assistant editor yet I would have absolutely no idea what to do.

-that I will get a great project and totally blank out and screw up the edit.

-that I don’t know Final Cut well enough to compete.

-that I’m spending too much time learning Final Cut and forgetting Avid. Should I dig up Avid and some books and dig into the technical side of it? Or will it become natural?

-that I don’t know enough about After Effects. Do I need to learn more? I want to for my own interests, but if I want to edit movies someday, how does this play in?

-that the fact I don’t have 3D experience will bite me…somehow..

-that I will get a freelance gig, go to their edit suite, and get performance anxiety. especially in front of a producer.

-that I will not be able to edit at the caliber in which I want to edit.

-that I’ll start being told that my work sucks.

-that I’m not going to get to edit the stuff I really want to edit.

I think all this stems from seeing what a huge learning curve I have to get through that school didn’t teach me and I’ve missed along the way. It’s insecurities, some legitimate, some stupid…I don’t let this stuff ruin my day or my work. I just have been considering where my professional skillset goes from here and how I can keep from hitting a plateau in any way.